The Han Solo Diary - AU
by CommanderKnobi1
Summary: *Slamming his empty glass onto the grey dura-desk Han began to write, surprised the glass didn't shatter from the impact*
1. Chapter 1

Journal Entry 1

I'm halfway to thirty so I might as well begin writing a diary now. Kriff,_ Diary_ sounds so girly, I'm gonna go with journal instead. Last night was a train-wreck. What was I thinking anyway? You see dearest diary it all started when… oh force, I give up…

Diary Entry 1

As I was saying my dear diary, yesterday was my birthday. I finally turned twenty-five, but I still feel like I'm nine sometimes. The galaxy is a big scary place, and I'll never forget what my mother whispered to me before she died: "Persevere, my son, or perish." To this day those words haunt me and have saved my butt on more than one occasion. My father wasn't a man of many words; his fists did enough of the talking. Anyway, enough of my childhood. The reason I'm writing to you at all dear diary is to tell you about what happened last night on my birthday.

I wanted to go somewhere else than Tatooine, and especially not Mos Espaa for my birthday, but there was a "shipment" that needed delivering to a local swoop track lord named Geron, a slimy Hutt. Not to mention we needed the credits. So I was stuck, but my friends wouldn't entertain the idea of me sulking on my birthday. Inevitably, Chewie, Kara, Ollie, and Twitch, my crew and best friends took me out in the evening for a night that proved to be legendary. Once I forgot we were stuck on Tatooine, I actually started enjoying myself. And I had enough drinks to put a Bantha to sleep. Things didn't go wrong until I met Cindy, a friend of a friend of Ollie's who was stunningly beautiful. One glance at her and I was captivated by shoulder-length flowing blond hair and bright green eyes that shimmered as she strutted over.

From the smell of her perfume, a thousand pleasures filled my mind, and I knew I wanted her. I also could guess that she was into me by the way she smiled and placed her hand on my vest in greeting. I wouldn't say that I'm incredibly handsome, but most women that go to cantinas are attracted to my irrepressible charm. She flirted with me and drunk as I was, I suddenly found myself in one of Mos Espaa's houses that I assumed to be near the Cantina with her, alone. I stared into the most prominent feature of the room, being a mirror that spanned from one wall to the other. Things were becoming more heated and as I stared into the large mirror. My reflection stared back and a look of boredom was plastered all over his face. I suddenly felt empty, sad even.

That was the moment I finally saw myself for what I truly was. I was sharing her bed and I didn't even know anything about her, only her name, Cindy. When morning came, I felt even more wretched, like my soul had been torn to pieces by a torrent of apathy. I wanted more than anything to truly love and care for someone, to be there for them no matter what. At the same time I knew that I was too jaded for that to ever happen, I was too scared of ever letting my heart be that open to anyone.

Silently, my brain feeling on the edge of explosion, I searched for the rest of my clothes and slipped out of her house into the buzz of the sinister Mos Espaa Space Port.


	2. Chapter 2

Diary Entry 2

After I wrote my first entry, I felt even more like an idiot, and drowned my stupidity with a bottle of Corellian Ale. Minutes later, I found myself back at that Cantina with my crew. As we made small talk, I was not eager to learn that we were still short fifteen thousand credits because Geron claimed the "shipment" was damaged. That meant we still owed the Hutt Lord Jabba at least 15 thousand credits we didn't have. In the end, we decided to blast off this dusty rock of a planet until we managed to come across that many credits. Relieved that my crew didn't think it wise to stay and make excuses to the Hutt Lord, I paid for my drink and left the Cantina to get the Millennium Falcon up and running.

Stumbling blindly on my way back to the Falcon, I felt the muzzle of a blaster pistol shoved into my shoulder. Seconds later a snippy Rodian voice said : "Going somewhere, Solo?"


	3. Chapter 3

Diary Entry 3

Dear Diary,

I learned that Jabba takes more initiative than I would have expected in collecting debts...

So after this truly snippy Rodian shoved what I thought was a blaster pistol into my shoulder, it turned out to be some kind of shock weapon or stun gun. I tried pivoting away, but it will suffice to say I blacked out.

Minutes later I awoke aboard a cumbersome purplish land-speeder zipping away from Mos Espaa to what looked like enormous rusted container lids jutting up from the desert, crisscrossing the horizon. My eyes squinted, brow furrowed, trying to adjust to the change in light as the twin suns shimmered in the distance, lowering themselves into habitual nightly slumber. Gradually finding my voice, a muted cough escaped my cracked lips. I was about to speak when rudely interrupted by that sniveling chortling Rodian. "Greedo don't think you so tough, don't you see ? Me outsmarted you Solo. Jabba will be super pleased to see you tremble before him on your knees. Think you can pull a fast one on Jabba ? Greedo pull a fast one on you. Don't think you're getting away either, I shoot you the second I _think_ you're trying to escape."

"You're a real charmer ain't ya Greedo. How 'bout you just let me go and I pay you double" I replied.

"Think it that easy do you Solo ? Greedo knows you cheated to beat him in that Sabaac game in the lazy gizka cantina. Greedo wants to see you squirm like a worm before the mighty Jabba the Hutt. And as a side bonus, get ten times the credits I lost to you." Greedo quipped snidely, bringing his land-speeder to a halt in front of what I thought was the ugliest Palace I'd ever laid eyes on. Ever.


	4. Chapter 4

Diary Entry 4

Wincing up the sand infested steps of Jabba's palace in stun-cuffs, I noticed wryly the blood decided to stop dripping from my lower lip. The sense grew more real that my fate was something shared with a caged animal. Is it really my destiny to die or to be hunted, used, manipulated by others? I would give almost anything to have control of my own destiny, anything to grab it by the horns and wrestle it to the ground - a place from which my own will is cultivated. My own stupid mistakes and some unpredictable set of events did away with the control I had over my life. Now, cruelly, my fate rests with Jabba the Hutt, an intergalactic crime lord. I hate slugs, especially big fat pompous ones. Jabba is no different. If it weren't for the vast number of "jobs" and "reliable payments", our paths would never cross. A smuggler however must be prepared to deal with such things. It isn't an easy life, but I wouldn't be caught dead filling out paperwork in some office somewhere. Maybe Chewy was right; maybe I have gotten more reckless lately. I only wish he was here right now...


	5. Chapter 5

**Diary Entry 5**

It turns out I didn't get my wish. Chewy was nowhere to be seen as I waited with baited breath for his illustrious Jabba the Huttness to speak. "Han my friend," he said. Then there was a loud gurgle before the slug continued, "what are you doing leaving so soon without paying up the credits you owe?" I tried explaining that it wasn't my fault but Jabba wouldn't hear it. He continued "The mighty Jabba the Hutt, ruler of..." At that point I gave up trying to pay attention and focused on hatching a desperate plan of escape that involved head-butting stupid Greedo. "...will give you the time of one standard month to repay your debt to me, and if you don't have the credits by then, Jabba will triple your debt and suspend your smuggling membership association card. Or the powerful and mighty Jabba may just kill you instead." Amazed that I was not already dead I agreed to Jabba's terms and relief swirled around me as the stun cuffs restraining my hands thudded to the ground. For a microsecond I considered pulling Greedo's blaster and killing the fat slug, but hey, I'm not a hero. So instead I punched Greedo in the nose and Jabba laughed.


End file.
